JUST ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT I WRITE FOR ONCE, YOU BASTARD SCAMMER!!!

Mister Rigid Ipecac,

Do you need to know where to ship the monitor?

I couldn't keep it a secret and told young Kwan that the monitor was his!

He's a bit groggy from the medications Doctor Welby has given him to stop the bleeding (I had nothing to do with it!), but his smile communicated just how happy he is.

You are so nice to help me help this young manchild.

Thank you Rigi.

Why don't you answer my questions? Do I need to put my full legal name on the Western Union information?

My driver thinks I am mad. I fear he takes advantage of my generosity and the forgetfullness which accompanies my years.

Do you want me to send the money in Euros? Or Pounds Sterling. My business manager, Frank Bushkin (remind me to tell you his nickname someday, Rigid!), can make wire transfers in any denomination at any time. Though there is no time like the present.

I'm never sure what that means.

I'm attaching a photo of myself from a dog show. (I'm the one in the reflection taking the shot of my friend, Terence, who's Miniature Pinscher "Lady Bernesta's Toto Aerdale" took 2nd in the "toy" class.)

Let me know the answer by tomorrow morning. I will be heading to Western U. earlyish, as it seems my Nigerian friend, Ibrahim, is having some difficulty with the Cargo manager and needs another $2,000US to bribe him. It is certainly worth it, as I will be getting 30% of 30Million US Dollar.






















I must thank you, yet again, for the opportunity to purchase this monitor from you. So: Thank you!

---
dean cameron




On Oct 27, 2006, at 11:52 PM, Rigi Ips wrote:

Dear sir,
The agreed price was your last bid. Your last bid was 1300USD. Here is my payment information :
Rigian Ipsiac
PO BOX 1265
London, SE9 1BL
United Kingdom
Lety me know when you have made the transfer
Thanks

the dance is being danced

Rigi, if you don't have a telephone, how do you make telephone calls? Is that why you're selling the monitor?

Do you need more money? I bet you need a hug, at least. If Mister Snickers was with you, he'd sit in your lap and purr. You wouldn't feel so sad. Mister Snickers is the best cat in the hole wide world. When my wife passed on, I would have been inconceivable if it weren't for Mister Snickers. Not even my son could help. (And he did, I tell you... I'm sure it's just to stay in my good graces so as to get his hands on his inheritance millions... he is so transparent, wouldn't you agree?)

Enough sadness, Rigi!!! Turn that frown upside down!

Was the price we agreed on $1100US? What name and address should I make the check out to? I've forgotten and my fliggity floop is on the fritz, so I can't find my old emails.

My driver will take me to Western Onion again, once I have all the information I need from you.

I am so very much looking in the forward direction at the monitor. (don't look back!!!! (boston not dylan) )

---

dean cameron

even more eBay

Hi Ips!

Or is it Rigi?

I have a telephone number: 323 927 xxxx

Do you? Should I call you about this?

Good news!!! My friend, Ibrahim Abacha (and his hot hot hot mama, Mariam) sent me a photo of the money that I'm helping them retrieve!!!

It's a wonderful world.

I will have my driver take me to Western Onion tomorrow and fax the money to you for the monitor. My spastic colon has been acting up and my 2nd favorite cat (DON'T TELL HIM!!!), Jo Jo the Dancing Clown, will not come near me. I can't say as I blame him, but a cat does need to eat.




That is what Kwan does (well, when he's not ruining towels with his "truck stop buddies" (scandal!!!)). He feeds the cat. He also feeds my craving for the following three things:

1. Smoothness
2. Youth
3. Brownishness

I don't want to give you the wrong idea (unless, of course, you want to have the wrong idea... there's no stopping that, I suppository, right?!), Kwan is more to me than a plaything. Kwan is, well, Kwan. He is a houseboy, yes. Butt he is also a companion of the richest kind.

The poet, Walt Whitman (not Walter Whiteman, my business manager) once wrote:

Times of truth are these
we hold in our arms
the youth of
our days
forever flowing like a spring shower
like an elm passing
the quickening. the cold. the weak.
I am I said.

Buffalo, New York - 1921

and I couldn't agree more.

Isn't that a lovely poem? What do you think?

Most importantly, what about that box of money!?!? 30% of that is going to be mine within 2 weeks!
P/S: Here is Jo Jo The Dancing Clown when he was but a puppy:
















Do you ever feel the darkness of it all, Rigi?

---
dean cameron



On Oct 26, 2006, at 11:21 PM, Koomotor1@aol.com wrote:

Dear sir,
You don`t need a telephone number in order to make a transfer.
Please try to make the transfer as soon as you can.
Thank you

More eBay

Hello Mister Ipecac, I have a question four you.

Having only recently wired (through Westerd Onion) $1300 and then $8000 to my Nigerian friend, Ibrahim Abacha and his caliente mother, Miriam, in Assmasterdam, I know that Westurd Union require a telephone number.

I think! Perhaps I am mistaken. But I seem to remember that the large Negress demanded more information.

She also said that the man I was wiring money to did not exist and that I was being scammed.

People like that, the skeptics of the world, really get my gonads, don't they you, too? Besides, it's not that much money, any-old-hoo.

I will be off to New York City next week. I am meating my Attorney, Mister Owen Marshall - Counselor at Law, to discuss some arrangements we are making with my real estate holdings in Manhattan.

Oh!!!!! This is amazing. Did I tell you about the incident with the deer and my kitty, Mister Snickers? (my other puss, Jo-Jo The Dancing Clown, is nowhere to be found. He is an independent little Bee Eye Tee See Aitch of a kit kat! HARUMPH!
Well, to make a long story short. I espied three deer in flagrante delcto in my back acreage. As I was taking some art shots of dear brown Kwan, I had my camera ready.














Well, no sooner had I snapped a shot of the "Deer Orgy" going on, here comes MISTER SNICKERS TO THE MORAL RESCUE!!!

Mister Snickers (who had his gonads removed several years ago... perhaps he's a jealous thing... who knows?!) then began chase.
I have never heard of such a surprising thing.

















I won't send you the shots of Kwan. I know you want them, sir. I can tell. (winky)

---
dean cameron


On Oct 26, 2006, at 4:55 AM, Koomotor1@aol.com wrote:

Dear sir,
You must wire the money trough Western Union here :
Rigian Ipsiac
PO BOX 1265
London, SE9 1BL
United Kingdom
Please e-mail me back when payment is complete
Cheers !

more ebay

Hello, mister gusty!

I half knot received the invoice from you.

Please to advise. I have promised Kwan the monitor and I don't want to break his little heart.

Thank you, my good man!

Here is an amazing thing: My cat, mister snickers, chased a deer off of my property here in Florida! That kitty is a dickens, he is!

I am attaching a photo of it as proof!

Speaking of proof, I have learned that the $1800 I sent to Donald Abayomi, the fund manager for Ibrahim and Miriam Abacha of Nigeria has been received and I am well on my way to 30% of 45 Million Dollars!

Isn't it exciting?!?!

---
dean cameron



Oct 24, 2006, at 6:44 AM Koomotor1@aol.com wrote

Dear sir,
I have already started the official procedure and you will receive an INVOICE regarding payment and insurance details. Please check your your e-mail and let me know if you received the INVOICE by the time you read this e-mail.
Thanks

ebay?

I bid on a 30" Apple Display on eBay. My max bid was a grand (it's 2k in the stores... whatever).

I've received 4 emails from scammers who say they're the seller and they will sell the item to me via the eBay "Second Chance" method. I've gotten one of them on the hook.

"Dean Cameron" is very excited about the prospect of a new friend.

To wit.


On Oct 19, 2006, at 4:03 PM, Koomotor1@aol.com wrote: eBay Second Chance Offer sent you this eBay item Hello , You bid on my auction 110042053538. My auction it is already closed but my winner didnt`t respond to my email.I contact you because i want to give you the second chance offer price will be your high bid ! if you are interested reply here : Koomotor1@aol.comYou have the chance to buy this item cheaper ! Wait your email asap and i will give you the next steps to finish this deal i will pay the shipping cost if you are interested - contact me : Koomotor1@aol.com Thanks Note : E-mail me Koomotor1@aol.com. If your answer will be on ebay messge i dont answer there send messge via email

Thank You



Date: October 19, 2006 6:50:20 PM PDT
To: Koomotor1@aol.com
Hello my gusty friend! This sounds great. What do I do next!?

Let me know when I can send you the money. I will be going to Western Onion tomorrow to wire some money to Kwan, my houseboy's, parent's in the Phillipines.

Some call it rent, I call it a fee for services rendered. (BIG WINK!!!)

Here is a picture of my cat, mister snickers. He's happy about the great deal coming down my pipe!!!!

Isn't he dreamy!?!
















---
dean cameron


No reply... so I sent this:

Hello and meow!!!

I am chomping at the bit (i don't actually have one, but you know what I mean!) regarding this deal.

Please let me know ASAP (that's short for "hurry i'm very very very very excited about this thing of which you speak or write as the case may be"!) ass tomorrow I will be at Western Onion transferring some money for a top secret business deal I am conducting with the son and widow of the late General Sani Abacha of Nigeria.

Pronto, mein fruendenstein!

I WAN T THAT MONITOR!

MEOW!


---
dean cameron


On Oct 21, 2006, at 12:04 PM, Koomotor1@aol.com wrote:

Hi,

You have the opportunity to purchase this item ( the same item) at your bid price .
The ex winner had some problems and couldn't handle the situation, so following eBay's sugestion, I've contacted you this way.
The deal will go strictly according to eBay's rules and policy regarding to this offer.

I'll handle the shipping, so this will be free of charge for you.Also, a refund policy will be included.

In order to proceed with the transaction you will have to provide me your eBay user ID, full name and address (eBay rules for check out) and eBay will send you the invoice via e-mail with the instructions how to complet this transaction safe.

Looking forward to hearing from you.


Date: October 21, 2006 7:20:06 PM PDT
To: Koomotor1@aol.com

Hello my amigo!!!

Which address should I use? I have several! Currently, I am in lovely Florida, USA gearing up for the winter season. My houseboy, Kwan, has joined me (ass he always does, natch!) and I will be here through the winter.

When I am not here in Florida (home of the early bird special (or "ESPECIAL" as our brown friends tend to say (not as brown as Kwan, butt brown, nonetheless) where one can grab an entree, cokesodapop and desserttt (jello or pudding not both) (sad face!)) for less than $6) I am either in NYC (New York City, New York) or lovely Brentwood, California.

I made my fortune during the junkbond heydey of yore and now am living out my fabulos life trotting the globe with young Kwan and a Macaque Chimp named Mike. I leave my cats, Mister Snickers and JoJo the Dancing Clown at home as it is difficult to travel with such a menagerie.

I must tell you that I don't really travel with Mike the Macaque. He is merely a figment of my imagination. Forgive, please.

Whoosh! What a long answer I have typed to you, my friend! I chalk it up to the lonliness of an aging man with too much money and too much time. My son, who I think only speaks to me because he is interested in his vast inheritance, would rather that I have a hobby and is, I think, jealous of Kwan, who is like a son to me. Only browner.

My son was jealous of his mother, ass well, but is not so jealous now as she has long ago shuttled off this mortal coil ass the Bearded Lady of Avon so suckinctly put it.

Irregardless.

Today I wired some money to a young man in Amsterdam. It is a tragedy, I tell you. His father was the late General Sani Abacha, the former leader of Nigeria and was deposed by evil depots and now Ibrahim and his mother, the SCRUMPTIOUS Miriam Abacha are living like rats in ratville. Fortunately, I am helping them. I sent them $8000 today. Two weeks ago, I was able (after much adoo) to complete the transfer fee transaction with the bank manager there in Assmasterdam for a mere $1500 and this $8000 assures lovely Miriam and Ibrahim (not lovely, but a good egg, nunthelest) a manor of which they are accustomed to until the funds are released in Amsterdamn.

My crimony, do I go on or what?!

The point is this: I am ready to send you the money.

I have two ebay accounts. I must tell you why.

One of them I keep secret from my Attorney, Mister Owen Marshall - Counselor at Law, as I use it to buy "naughty things" i.e. videos and dvd's of the pornographic kind. I do not want Mister Owen Marshall - Counselor at Law to know about this account. I'm sure you understand why, friend.

So my longwinded reply to you is these:

1. Which address do you need?
B. Which eBay name do you require?
2: My full name is: DEAN CAMERON BEAURIGARD J. SCHMIDT
3. The J is for "Jingleheimer" do you need that?
4: NOT A QUESTION: because of the placement of my names (thanks mother!) I had an unfortunate but not altogether inaccurate nickname of "BJ" and "Schmidt" rhymed with... well... I won't boar you with details... which is why I tend to not use those names and prefer the simple and elegant "Dean Cameron".

That you are paying for shipping on this monitor (a gift to Kwan after his gift of silence upon release from the clinic) makes my heart sore like a bird on the wind.

Thank you, my gusty fiend!

P.S. Is the ex winner okay? I trust no malfortune has befallen on him/her/it.


---
dean cameron


Here's hoping I keep this one on the hook long enough to do a sequel!